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The bed is cold now. Trowa's no longer in the bed and I am left alone to continue my self-loathing thoughts. He left
me not too long ago but already the warmth that he brought to the bed has faded away. All I have now is the comforter. It's
warm enough, but it's not the same.
It's the afternoon now and the sun is peaking through the open blinds, casting
stripes across the bed and me.
How is it so cold in here?
I can hear Trowa talking in the next room. His voice
is low, as if he doesn't want me to hear what he's saying. But I can anyway. It sounds like he's on the phone; I only hear
his side of the conversation.
"Yeah..."
I wonder whom hes talking to.
"Yeah... Wufei, hi..."
Oh.
Him. Now I know why he's keeping his voice low.
"No... I don't know, he's just... yeah."
I know whom he's talking
about, too.
"No, I think we'll need at least two weeks... thanks."
Two weeks? Two weeks for what?
"Yeah...
I know... I don't know, he won't talk to me. He won't talk at all... I know... I know... I'll try. Thanks, Wufei, bye."
I
hear the receiver lightly return to its place on the jack and I can feel him reenter the room. His footsteps move lightly
across the floor and then I can feel the bed shift as he returns to his place behind me. He returns his hold on me, spooning
so that he is once again grasping The Hand.
"Quatre?"
I thought I don't talk at all. Why would I respond? So
I don't.
I hear him release a long sigh and then settle back into the bed. His warmth has returned, chasing away the
cold numbness of the room. I think he's drifting to sleep, but I can't be sure. I wish he were a deep sleeper. Even when he's
so exhausted he falls asleep in the living room, he still reawakens at the drop of a pin. Damn, I wish he would just go away
for a while.
"Quatre..." He's still awake. I don't really even need to listen to know what he's going to say, he's
been saying it repeatedly for the past few days. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You can talk to me about it, you know
that." He then falls silent for a few moments, leaving me to think that he would leave it at that this time. No such luck.
"Quatre, please talk to me" No. "Please?" No.
I don't want to talk to you. My mind wills him to disappear.
I just want him to leave. I can't talk to him; he'll just continue to say things like that. He'll try to comfort me and hold
me and console me and tell me that it's all going to be ok. I don't want to hear that right now, I can't. Please go away,
please go away
"I just called us into the Preventers. Wufei is giving us about two weeks off, because of the mission,"
he says. Great, two weeks of lying in bed, thinking about it all. "I love you," he adds no more than a whisper and I feel
my heart jerk within my chest. I just want him to go away! Please
My eyes are swelling with tears, the ones that I
have prevented from falling for the past few days. The stress is building in my head and I don't know how I'm going to hold
them off any longer. I guess now is as long as I can go. A tear escapes and travels down my cheek. I close my eyes tight to
stop more tears from following and thankfully, it works.
I can't deal with this. I just want it all to stop.
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